About a Boy

I'm not going to lie. I'm a little leery about posting this bit. It's not because it's anything bad--it is just about a part of myself that doesn't really ever see the light of day and is venturing into territory I am not entirely comfortable with.

I don't normally get excited about a guy. I did in the past and it kind of came back to bit me in the ass. There are times when I wonder if I'll get over that one. I didn't just walk away with a broken heart. I walked away with a broken spirit, which is much harder to bounce back from.

I guess it's been 5 years since I first met J. From the first moment of talking with him, something clicked. Just the sound of his voice (don't even get me started about his laugh) was enough to send me over the edge. And then when we met face to face for the first time, all bets were off. I felt (and still do) like a teenager dealing with her first crush. I don't know why--he is nothing like what I might consider to be my "type". Far from it in fact, but I've not met anyone else who makes me feel the way he does.

I know it shouldn't matter. I've come to peace with the fact that he is most likely married to the worlds nicest woman with 2 adorable children and a  Golden Retriever named Buddy living a fabulous life in the suburbs of the big city and none of this means anything. I've come to peace with the fact that I will never be the girl that ends up with him and this will all be a schoolgirl fantasy--I've been told time and time again that "a girl like me will never end up with a guy like him". I get and I'm starting to believe it. I just wish I didn't wish so much that "a girl like me would end up with a guy like him", or just him.