30 November 2013

Fat Girl

In under 3 minutes, this pretty much sums up everything I've ever been told.

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25 November 2013

Music Monday: John Mayer

Question: What happens when you totally forget you have tickets to see you favorite musician?

Answer: You look at your calendar at work trying to figure out why I've put down that you are out of the office a noon on a Wednesday.

This is what happened when I was sorting things out at work for the week of Thanksgiving. Some how it had totally slipped my mind that I'd be seeing John Mayer in GR this week. It's either a sign that I am losing my mind or that I have to much going on right now to keep anything straight.

I'm going with the second option.

Since I've featured him quite heavily on the blog, I'm going something a little different. One of my absolute favorite songs that Mayer has done is Stitched Up which he recorded with Herbie Hancock for Hancock's album Possibilities. It's really fun watching the process they go through writing and recording the tune.

I'd highly suggest picking up a copy of the album or watching the whole documentary. It's really amazing stuff. 
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24 November 2013

Life Lately

It is official. It is impossible for me to fight it any longer. Winter has arrived. I know. I know. I live in a part of the country where it is inevitable (and my job kind of depends on it) but I don't like it. If somehow we could figure out how to keep the snow off the roads and out of my driveway, then maybe I'd be o.k. with it. But until then, I am not happy. At least it's nice to look at though.

Speaking of work. It has been anything but pleasant. I don't talk about it much here and I'm not going to now other than to say, it is really frustrating to have an amazing day off doing something you find insanely interesting (seriously--I spent a day last week working on a paper for my psych class and loved every damn minute of it) only to go to work the next day and have the wind taken out of your sails the moment you walk through the door. When you feel like you can't have a day off, it's time to admit something is terribly wrong.

School has been going o.k. Last week (thanks to work) was a bit of a struggle which was sadly reflected in my assignment grades. This week didn't feel much better, but hopefully I was at least able to fake it enough make it seem like I had ample time to work on things. One of the assignments I had was to watch a TED Talk that Beau Lotto gave. This man is fascinating. If you have time, I highly suggest watching the following video on Optical Illusions. It is mind blowing.

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19 November 2013


I've been a wee bit of a slacker lately.

I guess it's not really "lately" if I haven't really worked out (and by working out I mean pushing myself to my limit) since August.

Yeah. It's been awhile.

But for the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling that NEED to get back at it again. Just kind a slight inkling or little twinge of "Maybe I should give it another go" but a full on OBSESSION with getting back a routine at the gym. And it is sadly not for reasons I am all that proud of.

I still have this annoying little voice in the back of my head, reminding me of all my flaws: I'm not skinny (and never will be). I'm not all that tall. I'm lumpy. My thighs jiggle. My tummy is not flat. I'm uber pale white. And I'm not terribly pretty.

Yes I know.....that voice is the back of my head is my own, repeating all the shitty things I have been told over the years and that my self worth is not based on any of that. Because when you get beyond the surface of the shy, chubby girl who just wants to be liked, there is a whole other, unexpected person. A person who is quite funny, witty, wicked smart, caring, and empathetic. She's just really hard to find.

What does any of that have to do with going back to the gym?!

When I was heading to the gym nearly every day of the week this summer, I felt AMAZING about myself. I don't remember feeling that good about who I was in a long time. Sure I wore a tank top over the top of my bathing suit (fyi: halter tops and keyhole bathing suits do NOT work if you are super busty hence the tank hiding the crazy cleavage), but I WORE a bathing suit while hanging out with friends at their pool and didn't trying to hide. I wore compression pants (a.ka. spandex for life!) while at the gym for running and working out and didn't once care about the sideways glances I was getting. And then I walked from the gym to my car in said spandex and didn't give two shakes about what anyone thought.

But today? None of that would happen.

In fact, this morning when I was getting ready for work, I found myself purposely digging out clothes that hide my lumps and bumps and that help hold in my tummy so I have some curves. And all I wanted to do (and did) was cry.

I cried because I miss who I was three months ago. I miss looking at my closet knowing that I'm about rock the crap out of my favorite dress and boots. I miss not feeling like I look and feel like Jabba the Hut.

But today I'm making my way back. Making my way back to the person I know and love and adore. She is the same person I am today, but a little more sure of herself. She knows she is strong, independent, funny, smart, beautiful and amazing. She knows she is "enough" just as she is and won't compromise herself for a mold someone else created.
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18 November 2013

Music Monday: Jason Walker

This series has gone from "Hey! How about I share some of my favorite tunes with ya'll!" to "Hey! Check out this new-to-me-song I just discovered!"

Today's selection came up on Pandora while I was at work this weekend. It would be safe to say I'm in a bit of a melancholy mood and this song fits perfectly.

I also think it's a bit interesting that I heard this song on the same day I read the following quote:
If I'm sincere today, what does it matter if I regret it tomorrow? I'm starting to think the universe is trying to tell me something. 
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17 November 2013

Sunday Squawk

Squawk: I am trying out a new name for this series since they really aren't confessions. We'll see how long it sticks.

Good friends: It's been kind of a rough week but leave it to my friends to turn it around. I received
the BEST email before leaving for the day (at work) from a friend which simply read, "Lame. WOO HIM!!!" I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to go about doing that, but I'm going to go ahead and give it a good 'ole try.

French Movies: This week I stepped a bit outside of my usual movie genres of drama, art-house films and violent actions movies and have watch a few French, romantic comedies. Populaire (the way the story played out between the two main characters was adorable) was my favorite, followed closely by Romantics Anonymous (the scene where Jean-Rene is talking to his therapist about "letting the anxiety win" just about did me in) and Heart Breaker (they did the dance scene from Dirty Dancing, what isn't there to love about that!). Plus, Romain Duris was in 2 of the 3 films and he is lovely to look at.

NYC or Bust: I leave for the bright lights and the big city in exactly four weeks. I can't wait to spend some time with the ladies and play native in the city for a week. And I'm totally open to suggestions as to what I should check out while I'm there. Thus far, the only thing on my list is Rockefeller Center.

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13 November 2013

Wednesday Wishlist

Do ya'll have those days or even weeks where you think to yourself, "If only I had....." or "If only I could....."?

This has been my November. So rather than obsess about it, I've decided to make it into a (short) list because then MAYBE one day I'll be able to check said items off the list. Positive thinking. That's what this is all about. Positive thinking.

So here's the list of "If only I could....."
  • Reclaim my funny. This has been an ongoing issue. My funny is lost and it has been for some time. I'm much more of a good time than one would be able to deduce from recent posts. Someday I'll find it again and I'll share it with the world.
  • Run a mile without feeling like my lungs are going to explode or my legs are going to fall off. This could be due to the cold weather right now, but doubt it. I'm just out of practice. 
  • Utter three little words to someone and NOT worry about them saying "No." One would think that I'd be slightly used to rejection, but nope. I'm not. What I'd really like to do is just hand said person a copy of Ben Rector's new album, The Walking In Between, and tell him to list to track #5. 
  • Knit. I'm pretty good with a crochet hook and some yarn. But knitting needles? Nope. I can't seem to get it together, but there are so many super cute patterns out there that I want to try, but they are for knitting and not crocheting. 
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11 November 2013

Music Monday: No One But You

I absolutely cannot study, read, work on homework, etc. without music in the background. It helps me focus on the task at hand. And most of the time I don't even pay any attention to the song that is playing. But sometimes, I'm caught off guard and am forced to stop why I am doing just to listen.

This weekend while working on assignments for my Psych class, I put on one of my favorite playlists from Songza, Conversation Pieces. It's an eclectic mix of all sorts of stuff. Occasionally there is an absolute gem that comes up on this list that I've not previously heard.

That was the case with the song No One But You by Stuart Duncan, Chris Thile, Edgar Mayer, Yo-Yo Ma and Aoife O'Donaovan. This song is a beautiful piece of music. And quite the distraction. I never did manage to get my assignment completed.

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10 November 2013

Sunday Confessions: Still Not Really Confessions Edition

What the what?

I can't believe it is Sunday afternoon already.

Last week was ridiculous and flew by in what felt like just a wink! Between work, Sadie and school my spare time was pretty non-existant. Thankfully though, my class has the same weekly schedule (unlike my last one which was ALL over the place) so all things school related should ease up a bit from here on out. The rest of it? Who knows. I've given up on trying to have any semblance of a normal schedule.

And I also need to come up with a new title for this series of random stuff on Sundays. I'll be taking suggestions all week.

Boredom: I am absolutely one of those people who dives head first into a new hobby only to get bored with it and move onto something else. The more I have been drawing, the more I've started to move to things that could you a bit of color. And while I have a set of beautiful colored pencils, they just weren't doing it for me. So I decided to try some else. My new "something else" is painting. I used to paint a lot but never quite got the hang of it. But thanks to a bunch of pretty good sales PLUS additional coupons, I stocked up on some watercolor supplies at Michael's the other day. This mushroom is my first attempt at painting one of my drawings. It's not great. But it's also not half bad. I still need to go back in and add the shading and details but thus far, I'm quite pleased.

Movie Bonanza: It's been cold and rainy which means I have been in full on movie mode the last couple of weeks. A couple of friends and I head out to see Thor: The Dark World this weekend. It was good. Kind of dragged in some places and seemed to be really long, but overall I enjoyed it. But what I'd really like to see is Loki have his own movie. Seriously. Hollywood, I need you to make that happen. Stat. I also watched Iron Man 3 (a bit underwhelming), Sharknado (I couldn't even finish it)  and Blancanieves (fantastic!). Next up is World War Z and White House Down.

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04 November 2013

Music Monday: I Like You

Oh hey!

Because I've not had his "stuff" on the blog enough lately, it's another Ben Rector song!

Anyone else sensing a pattern here?

Happy Monday, ya'll. 
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03 November 2013

Sunday Confessions

Oh Sunday.

We meet again for another round of "confessions" which really should just be called "I've got some random stuff today say that doesn't really fit anywhere else".

NaNoWriMo: The first three days of NaNoWriMo have gone very differently than I thought they would. I am quite happy with what I've written so far, but it's not what I had planned. But that is fine. At least I am writing.

The Walk In Between: Remember last week when I said I was thinking about bailing on this blog and starting a new one? Well, I went so far as registering a new domain name any everything. I've yet to decide if I'll ever use it, but it's there. What I really should do is stop whining about not writing and just take a blogging break.

Ausmusauce: The Detroit Tigers have a press conference scheduled today which I am HOPING will be the announcement of their new manager. All things point to Brad Ausmus being their new manager, which I must say I am very excited about but for purely non-baseball reasons. I mean seriously. And I won't apologize for shamelessly swooning over him. Even if it kills some of my baseball credibility. Seriously though, he knows his stuff. The interview he did on NPR's Fresh Air back in 2011 is pretty good.

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01 November 2013

NaNoWriMo: Third Times a Charm

There is no logical explanation for what I am about to write.

It doesn't make any sense especially when there are so many things against me, time being the biggest thing of all.

I don't have much of it to spare. School. Work. General living. Those three things suck up most of it. Well, sleep does too but I digress.

Regardless, I am once again going to try my hand at NaNoWriMo. I've had an unquenchable desire to start writing again. Ideas that are begging to be put onto paper, to have a life of their own. But none of them (I am sad to say) are novel worthy. They are short snippets of what might be or could have been. None of them have a full shelf life of more than a few passing glances, but that's the basis of this years project.

Each time I've sat down before for this project, I've had grand delusions of a full-fledged "novel", trying to squeeze pages out of a story that just wasn't there. In the overall view of things, I'm not a "novelist". My words belong in short stories and essays (I suppose this is why I have a blog or three) and that is how I plan to attack this years project. Small stores, snippets into the lives of those characters who live inside my head. Who are all connected yet separate.

My initial thought would be a story a day. A small glimpse into my favorite part of writing, the characters. But even that seems to limiting. Some will have more to say. Some less. So I'm going to keep it fluid and if needed constantly changing. Because for me, the only way I can write is if it feels honest, uncontrived and without any sense of direction.

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