Running with the Devil

In the spirit of full disclosure, I really, REALLY wanted to skip this weeks post.

Now, I know I'm not falling out of love with running. Quite the contrary. I still love it and need it and crave (awkward word choice) it, but actually doing it has been another story.

Since deciding some of the lingering aches and pains that just won't go away are from over doing it and keeping myself to 3 runs a week, it's been terrible. It's been a struggle to get out there because I keep telling myself, "Well, I can just do it tomorrow". And to make matters worse, I'm completely stressed out and frustrated at work (which translates to my need of sleep increases by monstrous proportions), it's either been crazy hot and muggy (on each of my runs this week I thought I was going to pass out it was so hot and muggy and gross) or we've had thunderstorms (not getting caught in another one of those again). But really, those are just a bunch of lame excuses, right?!

It's pretty safe to say I've lost my motivation and as much as I don't want to admit that I've made yet another mistake with all this running business by ditching the C25k program, I think that has a lot to do with it. Yes---I love running just to RUN. None of this is to lose weight. I'm not trying to drop dress sizes. I'm not trying to win races. I'm not try to impress anyone.

But then why am I doing it? That is the biggest and sadly unanswered question of all. Because I love it?  Yeah, that part of it. But is that enough because right now it's not enough....by a long shot! And now that I see it actually written down, seems totally ridiculous. I also think part of my issue with it is that some of the "novelty" of running has warn off as had the support from friends and family. I'm not saying they have totally flipped sides and are now say I can't do it--that isn't it at all. Now that it's become a part of who I am (I am not at a place where I feel like I can say "Yeah, I'm totally a runner" without feeling like a poser), it's not that big of a deal and not hearing the "hey, great job this morning!" or "keep up the good work" has been tough. And admitting that, even tougher.

Starting tomorrow I'm going back to a structured training program. I'm not exactly how it's totally going to work but I'm going to pick up where I left off with the C25k program. I'm going to use that as a starting point and work my way up to a 10k program. It seems over the top and maybe a little too adventurous but I'm hoping it helps to get me back on track because right now, me trying to do this on my own isn't working.