Relish 12: A Soft Place to Land

Relish12 Day Five: A soft place to land… 

Over any twelve months there are bound to be bumps in the road, rough patches, and bruises to bear. The other side of these scrapes and hazards is the place you find where there is solace and healing and home. If we’re lucky we always find ourselves with a soft place to land. Who, what, or where was yours this year?

I have an incredible group of friends spread out all over the place. But it never fails, when I need them or a kind word they are never more than an email or a text message away. Their support this year has been invaluable. I would absolutely have been lost without them. I would especially be lost without four incredible ladies: whether its a texting marathon with Jen or Micah as they reassure me that I'm not crazy and that taking a chance really is a good idea or a surprise email from Heather and Vickie that they are coming for a visit, just knowing they are there for me is enough. I just hope I am able to someday repay their kindness and friendship.

Relish 12: Sweet Treat & Letting Go

Relish 12 Day Two: Sweet Treat… Life is littered with sweetness, of all kinds. What was the sweetest treat you enjoyed this year?

This is the year I managed to get my creativity back.

Creating things. Making things is one of the great pleasures I take in life, especially when I am able to share it with others.  And finding that again this year has been brilliant.

I've been bouncing all over the place with it--I did a little painting, I started writing (obviously) again. I found a new found love for making jewelry and I am currently a woman obsessed with her yarn and crochet hooks. But every time I finish something new, I am filled with a joy I haven't experienced in a really long time even if it isn't perfect.

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Relish 12 Day Three: Let Go… What did you let go of this year? This could be a specific belief, or a relationship, or something else in your life.

Funny how what you think you need to do the most to focus on yourself can seem like such a small thing but end up costing you the most.

I've actually already touched on this in others posts so I won't rehash all of that again, but letting go of any kind of relationship, big or small can be hard. There is bound to be hurt, misunderstanding and in my case a good chunk of time wishing I could take it all back because the last thing I want to do is cause anyone pain, even if it is for a single fleeting moment.

But that is what I did this year. I let go of the relationships that didn't serve me well anymore. I put myself first. I played the rarely used selfish card and walked away. And once the sadness melted away, I felt free to be.

Relish 12: Your Mountain & New Beginnings

I started writing today as if I was writing two separate posts, but quickly realized these two things go together. For me, they are are one and the same which is why I have combined them into one.

Relish12 Day One: Your Mountain
We all face challenges during the year; some we meet, some we don’t. What was your mountain to climb this year? Did you reach the top?

Relish12 Day Nine: New Beginnings…
The only constant in this life is change. That’s it. Change can come in all forms; some brilliant, some downright painful. We grow each and every time we navigate change, exposing more strength, wisdom, and courage the deeper we let it do it’s work within us. Some change comes as an ending, some as a fresh start to something totally different. What was one new thing that started for you this year? What was one new beginning in your life?

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I didn't really start the year off with any "goals" in mind or anything I wanted to "work on". I have a huge fear of commitment thus am not big of making New Year Resolutions (although I did make a list of suggestions for myself this year). Besides, coming into 2012 I was pretty happy with where things were  at with my life and where things were going.  Why change it if it's not broken, right?

But as they do, things changed.

Through a series of life events, stumbling across a number of amazing bloggers and their strength and words (knowing, even if you've never met them, that someone somewhere is feeling or has felt the same way as you are feeling can be a powerful force), something inside of me started churning. I began to realize something anything needed to give. Because if I was really being honest with myself, I was miserable. I didn't like the person I had become. Something needed to change or I would always feel like I was waiting for the "other shoe to drop". I would continue to carry this intense sense of unease around with me everywhere I went and with everything I did. I had grown so accustom to it being there, to feeling that heavy weight with me all the time, I started to forget about it. Forget that it was there. Forget that it didn't need to be there and coming to that realization scared me.

I started to really pay attention to how I reacted (or didn't react) to things going on around me. How I dealt with friends, family, work, relationships, etc. I started to really pay attention to the life I was living and working towards living the life I wanted to live. I began working on figuring out why and what it was that kept me from moving forward.

I've always jokingly said I was my own worst enemy and the more I looked at things from a fresh perspective, the more I began to realize that it wasn't a joke and that this immense wall of "protection" I had thrown up around myself was doing anything but protecting me. It was in fact doing just the opposite. What I thought had been put in place to keep out the "bad", the things I couldn't control, was in fact keeping out everything.

It is easier to simply step aside than to take a step forward. It is easier to simply act like it doesn't exist than having to admit that you are afraid.

But easy isn't always better and making a conscious decision to start facing the mountain fears head on has, for a lack of a better term been excruciating. I've started peeling away layers I've built to hide demons from the past. I have listened to my instincts and distanced myself and/or ended relationships with friends that didn't serve me in a positive way. I started a new journey of self-acceptance and truth that others have found difficult to understand and accept, but know that even at what seems to be an age where I should have figured "it" out already, that it's not about when you started, but that you did start.

Relish 12: Rest & Replenish

I know there is still quite a bit of December left, but I've already begun the process (like I do every December) of looking back over the past twelve months and reflecting on the year that is coming to a close. It's been kind of a bizarre year with a lot of ups and downs, personal growth and unexpected events which has made it hard to put into words.

And then, thanks to Nikkiana at Authentic Experience (If you aren't already reading her blog, please do so! It is open, honest and one of my favorite blogs to read) I found Relish 12, a series of writing prompts from Rebecca Murphy "where we spend the month of December relishing & remembering the year about to end. ". As soon as I read what it was all about, I knew it was exactly what I was looking for as look back over the last 12 months.

Since I'm starting a bit late, I'll likely go out of order with some of the prompts or possibly include two in one post (I don't plan on posting everyday--some things will be too personal to share I am sure) but I am looking forward to using this series as a way to remember 2012.

Relish 12.8: Rest & Replenish
How well did you allow for resting and replenishing? Where, when and how did you fill up your tank? 

Mt absolute favorite place to reset myself is my families cottage on the lake. I spent most summer afternoons there playing in the sand, flopping around in the water like a fish and pretending I was part of a synchronized swim team as a kid. It felt like that was where I was supposed to be. The cottage and the lake felt more like home than our house in town.

Even as an adult, as soon as I pull into the driveway, I still feel that same sense of calm and "right" as I did then. I can, have and do spend hours sitting at a picnic table writing, sitting in a lounge chair just simply staring out into the water  while Sadie wanders off to explore.

For me, it is a place of healing--there is no pressure to be someone I am not or watch what I say or watch what I do. I can just simply be.

I spent nearly every morning at the lake this summer and used my time there to refocus my meditation practice. It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle of schedules and other people that making sure to take a few minutes for myself each day has been invaluable.
Even if it was only 10 minutes to sit in silence, focusing on my breath did wonders to calm and center me. It was able to ground me to who I am and what I need. It's a practice that I would be lost without.