Sunday Confessions

I'm a wee bit worried: Ok....maybe not a wee bit. But a lot worried. Tomorrow is my MRI and I'm not sure I'm ready for the results. I know. I know. It could be nothing, but anytime your doctors say, "Hmmm......that lump shouldn't be there" I can't help but freak the fuck out! So here is to hoping it's just an angry, inflamed knot of muscles or a cyst and not my wild imagination keeps thinking it is.

Blogging Burnout: I dunno. Part of me wants to just start all over. But another part of me thinks I've participated in too many blogging chats and skimmed too many "how to and how not to blog" lists and blah blah blah. Do ya'll get that way? Cruise along for a good bit of time and then think "Nope, time to divert course!"?

Bout of Books: I'm crusing right along with this weeks read-a-thon. I've managed to complete part 1 of my challenge, which was to read for an hour a day. We are good to go there. But actually finishing a book has been another issue all of its own. How, if I am reading an hour a day, am I unable to complete a single title? Easy--I'm back to picking really awful titles to read. So awful in fact, I'm not even noting via Goodreads that I've started them because I'm not sure I'm going to even finish them. Thankfully though, I'm not immersed in Riveted which is proving to be at least halfway decent at this point. Not sure I'm going to have it finished by today, but it's at least not been a total fail of a read-a-thon!

People Woes: At this point, if someone is breathing, they are most likely jumping all over my last nerve. I'm so sick of whiny, bitchy people who complain to get their way and make the rest of us suffer or look like an ass for upholding rules, policies, procedures, etc. I'm over it. Really, really over it.

Sunday Confessions: Blogging, Exams and Birthday

I'm A Bad Blogger: My apologies dear readers. Things have been pretty quiet around these parts. I'd kind of like to blame it on working a lot of hours and watching a lot of late night baseball, but that wouldn't be entirely true. Thankfully though, the truth does not include a lack of having things to write about. Quite the contrary actually, it's just that what I really want to write about, what I really want to share that is making me giggle like a twelve year old at a Jonas Brothers concert is something I'm not totally sure is appropriate too share. I have a feeling I'd post it and would get a response from someone that simply read "Too soon."
Examinations: In less than six weeks, I was supposed to take my PHR (Professional Human Resources Certification) exam. It's not going to happen. November is the worst month of the year where I work (I don't know what I was thinking) but because I'm already registered, I have to take it by the end of January or else I'm out $400 for nothing. I am absolutely terrified of taking this exam. I don't talk about my job much, but I'm good at it. I know my stuff. But I'm terrible....TERRIBLE when it comes to tests. And this is one of those tests where they give you four options to pick from and you have to pick the best one. The thought of it makes me want to throw up. But it'll be fine. I'll take the extra time to study and hope that it's enough. 
Happy Birthday: Tomorrow is my thirty-third birthday and I'm not looking forward to it. Not because I'm going to be thirty-three. Age isn't all that big of a deal to me (that and apparently no one believes me when I tell them how old I am anyway). I just don't like birthdays. They make me nervous. Kind of itchy. Plus, my parents are off on a little adventure to Rochester, MN and I don't like to burden my friends when I'm feeling kind of needy/sad. Anyway, I'll be taking tomorrow off from work, maybe spend some time at the lake (if it's not too cold) and enjoy a mellow day.

Her Little Red Book

I started keeping a "journal" when I was 8. It was mostly filled with drawings and random sentences that really didn't make any sense with really bad spelling mistakes.

When I was 12, I had one with a lock on it, which gave me this weird false sense of security that no one would be able to break into it, which of course they did and then read most of my secrets.

When I was 13 I started keeping two journals.

One people saw me write in--all the time. I whined about school. My parents. Professed my undying love for John Taylor and Travis Fryman. I talked about baseball, movies, music and poetry. I wrote about how tragic my life was at that very moment.

The other, I wrote in only when I was alone and tucked it away in the dark corners of my closet, sometimes between mattresses and at one point  in a play kitchen hutch in my parents attic. This journal, the red one, is where I let my "real" self live. This is the one where the life of a young girl turned into the life of a young woman who hadn't a clue as to what was going on. I talked about my introduction to boys, womanhood, Playboy, and inappropriate chatroom conversations. I explored parts of my mind that were just a little too dangerous for a girl of my age to be wandering through. This was the journal where I started to discover who I was as a person but more importantly as a woman. This was the journal where I was the most honest with who I was and who I wanted to be.

I kept the journal (in various forms) through my twenties before eventually abandoning it all together. It felt like this dirty little secret that I was keeping from everyone thus in turn felt like I dirty little secret I was keeping from myself. That part of who I was made those around me uncomfortable--I saw it when I tried to be that part of myself. It was greeted with skeptical gazes and laughter from friends who "just couldn't see it".

There is very much a part of me that wants to get back to that kind of honesty with who I am as a person, a woman and as a writer. There is very much a part of me that wants to feel like I'm not hiding a part of who I am because it makes someone else uncomfortable, which is why I've started Her Little Red Book. I've gone back and forth with myself about whether or not I should or shouldn't start a separate blog. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Miles from Ordinary. I love what I am able to post and share here. I appreciate all my readers and the interactions I have with them. But I also respect them and don't want to take my blog in an entirely new direction, especially when I'm not completely sure what direction that is going to be.

Maybe someday I'll merge the two together and it will just be one big happy blogging family. But until then, there shall be two and I'm totally fine with it. I'm sure it will feel like a case of split personality for a while, but for now it makes sense and I'll roll with it until that no longer rings true.