Link Up: The No Stress Book Club

I love books.

I love link-ups. 

And I love Stephanie and her blog Bassability (and you should, too!) so joining her link-up was pretty much a no brainer for me.

The details:

Write a post answering this week's question on your blog.

Post the link over on Bassabilty

Grab a button to share!

That's all there is too it. No stress! 

As much as I love reading now, that didn't always used to be the case. Growing up I had a heck of a time keeping up with reading assignments at school and was one of those kids tripping over every other word when they were asked to read out loud. It wasn't until I was 12 or 13 that I finally discovered I loved to read, no matter how long it took me to get through a book. I told myself it was just my way of savoring each of the words as they rolled across the pages. 

When I was 17 though I "discovered" the book that would quickly become my favorite, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. I still remember the day I bought my first copy of it: I had traveled to East Lansing with a school group for an event at Michigan State University. We had stopped at a restaurant at a stripmall for lunch and I wandered into the Barnes and Nobles next door. The book was sitting on one of the tables next to the front door and I remember thinking there was no way, no way I'd be able to fit in reading a book of that length with my schoolwork, sports, etc. But I bought it anyway and started reading it on the bus ride home. I finished it in only four or five days.

To this day, I adore this book. It was the first book I had ever read (for fun or for assigned reading) where I connected with the character. I felt like I could have been Jane and Jane could have been me. I loved the strength that comes through from Jane and even though it sounds ridiculously cheesy, I loved that in this story the love she shares with Rochester really does conquer all-in fact I still do. For me, this is the best love story of all time.

My favorite passage from the book is as follows (three cheers for Google so I didn't have to type this up on my own, although for you dear readers, I would have gladly done so if needed):

"I tell you I must go!" I retorted, roused to something like passion. "Do you think I can stay to become nothing to you? Do you think I am an automaton?--a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!--I have as much soul as you,--and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh;--it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal,--as we are!"

Music Monday: Katie Herzig

Happy Monday everyone!

Hey Na Na

Sunday Confessions

Lazy Day: I do not plan on getting out of my pj's today except to maybe shower before putting on a clean pair to spend some time with my books reading the day away.
Hair Disaster: Why does shortish hair have to be so damn hard to style? The other day a fellow blogger who has a similar hair cut/style as mine posted a ridiculously easy tutorial on curling your hair using a flat iron. Seemed simple enough. Yeah.....not so much. Instead of messy curls I ended up with a head full of frizz. But I shan't be deterred! I'll likely fry my hair to bits trying, but I will end up with curls someday. 
Vacation: I need my vacation to get here, like yesterday. I just need a break from a lot of things and even a lot of people. I need some me time on a beach with a slushy adult drink in my hand reading or napping or watching hunky beach boys do their thing. 

F. A. T.

I'm usually not one to throw up any kind of disclaimer with my posts, but this one kind of feels like it needs one. Not because of anything bad. I respect my readers enough to keep my language in check (seriously, I have a mouth like a sailor--I don't just put a nickle or a dime in the swear jar at work, oh no, it's dollars and quarters). This gets a disclaimer because it was really hard to write and at times a little off course, but it was important for me to get as much out of me as possible with as little editing as possible. At times it might seem off topic and not make much sense, but as I've said before, that is kind of how my brain works.  

I am a huge fan of words (which is why I write---obviously!) but an even bigger fan of not letting them get to me. Because honestly, they can't do anything. They are just letters strung together into a coherent sound or noise we can all understand.

Right?

Over the years I've been called crazy, obnoxious, annoying. a whore, slut and bitch, heartless, mean, ugly, disgusting, a drama queen (side note--of all the words or terms used to describe me, this is the one my friends and I find quite entertaining and most of them have asked if the people who have said this about me have actually spent time with me), worthless, dumb.....I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Most of the time I'm pretty good at letting them roll off me. A friend once told me "you just have to be like teflon and let things slide right off you". I've carried that advice around with me for many many years and it works. Cheesy, but hearing those words in my head remind me that it doesn't really matter what they say. I know who I am and what I am about. I know my truth. And if someone can't (or won't) see that, it's not my issue.

But there is one word. One little adjective I can't shake. One word made of three relatively innocent letters that when put together can bring me to tears almost each and every time I hear it pass between someones lips......



Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.

I hate it. But you know what I hate even more than the word itself? I hate that I let it get to me.

The other words, while they may initially sting, are a little easier to take--easier to deflect. Why? Because like I said. I know who I am. And I know they aren't true. O.k. so maybe I can be a little bitchy sometimes, but I digress.

But fat.....that's a whole other ballgame. That can be measured by my weight. What size dress I wear. Or by my pant size or anytime you compare me with the Hollywood standard, I am fat (for the record, that is the first time I have written that in an sentence, it's a little terrifying). It can be pointed out when my hips are just a little to wide for a slim cut pant or a top is cut scandalously low for my large breasts. It doesn't matter that I'm learning to live in the body I've been given or that there are days when I look in the mirror and think "Dang....I'm lookin' pretty good!" when that word is hanging above my head like a dark cloud.

Me and the dress!

Last week I wrote about Five Things I was going to do to make myself happy. And one of those things was to "wear bright colors" which really translates into "wear something outside of your comfort zone". So this week I did. I put on a dress that was two sized smaller than I am used to wearing. And it was all stripes. Black and white stripes. Lots and lots of stripes. Once I got used to the fact that I wasn't wearing something baggy and that it wasn't hiding anything, I loved it. I honestly loved the way it fit but more importantly I loved the way I felt in it. As I stood in front of the mirror looking at me looking back at myself, I was reminded how good it feels to be me. Not some preconceived notion of how I think I should be, but just myself. I remembered how refreshing it was to be at peace with not only myself but also my body that was made especially for me, even if others consider it (it being my body, not me) fat.

I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be able to see or hear the word fat and not cringe. I wonder sometimes if it holds too much negativity and hatred for myself to ever really be free of it. I do hope that someday it will just become another word. Or will in fact become a word that I am able to embrace as just another in the long list of adjectives that I can use to describe myself without all the negative energy tacked onto it.

Until then, F.A.T. will just be another acronym for all the other beautiful words out there to describe myself and others: fabulous, artistic  tender, friendly, amazing, tenacious, fierce, affectionate, terrific, funny, attentive, thoughtful, faithful, altruistic, tolerant, foxy, awesome, talented, fantastic, alluring, trustworthy, free, astounding, truthful.

Currently

I'm just going to go ahead and say it....I'm ready to be done with winter, not matter how pretty it is outside right now. We've had the  most bizarre weather this year and it's really starting to mess with my head. Thankfully thought, there are only about 30 days until I board a plane to the sunny Dominican Republic for a friends wedding and little rest and relaxation!



Reading: Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia. I confess I hadn't heard of this until I saw a preview for the movie which opened last night. So far I'm diggin' it. Really like the style of writing (just enough sarcasm thrown in for good measure  and as a friend said last night who is also reading this one, it moves at a pretty good pace for a YA novel.

Writing: I've been writing a lot lately. Or should I say writing about ideas of things I want to write about. Some is blog bound. Some is fiction. Some is strictly on the down low. And there is even some poetry thrown in there for good measure!

Hooking: I am working on my final "request" for someone and get to start working on something for myself! I picked up some chunky cotton yarn tonight and have big plans for a super warm and comfy hat for myself.

Researching: I've been putting in some serious time researching the possibility of going back to school for something somewhat outside of the realm of my current career path. The whole idea of ith is slightly terrifying. O.k. it's more than slightly terrifying. It is terrifying. One of my biggest "hurdles" at the present time is location, so I'm looking at online options which is pretty limited. This may just be a pipe dream, but since I wouldn't really be able to start until summer semester anyway, I've got some time to really think it over and figure out what will work best for me.