02 July 2011

6 a.m.

This has now become the worst part of my day.

The dreaded 6a.m.

I've been up everyday this week at almost the same time, without fail and without an alarm clock. My internal alarm clock a.k.a. pain sensors all over my freaking body have decided that this is the time that I should wake up and deal with them. It is the time of the day when I am typically alone, am reminded how frustrating this whole thing really has been and have a good cry while the rest of the house is in bed sleeping.

One can only wear a smile for so long before the facade starts to wear off.

My smile started to wear off yesterday.

I am exhausted. Sleep has been quite elusive and I've been surviving on catnaps. I seriously don't know how my friend and new mom Kara or any of my friends who are moms are there do it. I need more than 6 hours of consecutive sleep to survive not fitful naps of 3 if I'm lucky.

Part of why I can't sleep is because there is no comfortable position to lay in. Dr. K picked a prime piece of real estate near the inside of my calf to make one of the incisions which is also where 2 of my 6 stitches reside. This also means that every time I try to find a comfortable position to put my leg, the myriad of pillows and sometimes an ice pack is resting on that area. No bueno.

I keep joking that I am going to have gained some amazing upper body strength at the end of this. Whipping around on crutches was easy on day 1. Day 2 wasn't too bad but now that we are on day 6 my arms are killing me. They hurt. They ache. I have no strength left. I have bruises on my hands and my ribs are a little tender from the tops of the crutches jabbing into them as I try to regain my balance after nearly falling for the hundredth time.

I hate that I can't shower when I want to. Last nights adventure took over an hour which included way more help from my mom than should have been necessary, nearly killing myself trying to get out of the shower to only then almost sliding off the toilet seat (yes, it was down) while trying to dry off.

I know that dwelling on everything that is wrong isn't the best way to deal with all of this and it is quite counter productive. But it's hard to see the bright side of things when you are halfway to the bathroom, wondering if you are going to make it in time because the thought of having to hop another 15 feet makes you want to puke out of total exhaustion.


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