07 July 2011

I want to be THAT girl.

I don't know why all of a sudden this is such a huge issue for me. Normally, I'm not really all that concerned with what people think of me. I've never been the "pretty one" (that was confirm by my grandmother over dinner one night". I've never been the "thin one" (I'd give anything to have a bout of anorexia for a month or two). I think I've held the title of the "funny one" once (it seems very few people get my jokes, most of the time people look at me as if I've just started speaking in tongues). There are a number of times though that I've been told I'm a bit odd (it usually comes out as "you are so weird!"), but for the most part I'm pretty forgettable.

I don't even have enough fingers or two to keep track of how many times I have been reintroduced to people because they didn't remember me from previous introductions. I can't even begin to keep track of how many times I've been called because I have a "really great friend" that Captain Random wants to take out for dinner.

I just can't help but wonder what it would be like to be that girl someone is calling their friend about (ok--I'll admit that it did happen ONCE, but when he failed to follow through with the divorce proceedings it all kind of fizzled). I can't help but wonder what it would be like to leaving a LASTING first impression on someone. I'd love to know what it feels like to leave people thinking "Dang, I'd like to get to know her some more" or "She is someone I'd like to spend time with".

Trying to explain this to anyone is near impossible, simply because I know it doesnt make a lot of sense. How do you explain to someone that you don't want to change who you are as a person.....you just want to change who you are in the eyes of other people.


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